I have been having a very difficult time staying focused and motivated lately. I have tried "challenges" (currently I am following the Advocare 24 day challenge) and making plans (I am awesome at making up workouts, not so much on following through with them...). I have beat myself for not doing this or not being more that. I do not know what I keep doing this to myself. I feel like God is over on the sidelines shouting, "Idiot! Your opponent is beating the crap out of you. Put me in! I can take him with my hands tied behind my back!" (I am pretty sure God would not call me an idiot, but he definitely has every right to!)
Even in my spiritual journey, I feel like I am trying to take control and tell myself I need to do this or that. "Read your daily devo each day. Read a chapter in the Bible each day." But the thing is, this feels like a chore. I know some of you are thinking, it's like getting up and running each morning. It's sucks at first, but you get used to it or even start liking it.
I think God deserves better than that, though. We should not have to "force" or motivate ourselves to develop a relationship with him. Just think of how excited we get when we catch up with a friend and get to hang out. That's how it should be with God. We should not feel obligated to "make time" for God, but rather want to include him in every aspect of our life. We include our best friends. God is like our best friend on steroids.
I hate to admit it, but I am in a place right now where I want a close, deep personal relationship with God...but I don't. What I mean is, I desire that closeness with my creator and my savior but I seem to be afraid for some reason. I seem to find excuses or just simply not take the appropriate actions. I am not sure what I am afraid of. He already knows my darkest secrets. I cannot fake emotions to God.
My prayer right now is that God completely transforms me. I don't want to live a life explained outside of God. Clarification, I don't want to want to live a life explained outside of God. I want my desires to align with God's. I'm sick of the selfish, predictable way I have been living my life. I have prayed in the past for God to use me in a big way, but how can he use me if I don't allow him? I pray one thing, but live another. Thus, I pray that God changes my heart radically, that he fills me so much with his love that my actions reflect him regardless of what those around me may think. I pray that I stop living a comfortable life in approval of this world and start taking bold steps to live for Christ.
In order for God to instill this change in me, however, I need to just surrender. I need to give up and let God take complete and utter control of my life. Every day, we must die to ourselves and surrender our lives to Christ. Only when we are completely empty of ourselves can God fill us with his grace.
This will not be an easy road. I will fail along the way. I have faith that God will continue to steer me back in the right direction every time though. 220!
Even in my spiritual journey, I feel like I am trying to take control and tell myself I need to do this or that. "Read your daily devo each day. Read a chapter in the Bible each day." But the thing is, this feels like a chore. I know some of you are thinking, it's like getting up and running each morning. It's sucks at first, but you get used to it or even start liking it.
I think God deserves better than that, though. We should not have to "force" or motivate ourselves to develop a relationship with him. Just think of how excited we get when we catch up with a friend and get to hang out. That's how it should be with God. We should not feel obligated to "make time" for God, but rather want to include him in every aspect of our life. We include our best friends. God is like our best friend on steroids.
I hate to admit it, but I am in a place right now where I want a close, deep personal relationship with God...but I don't. What I mean is, I desire that closeness with my creator and my savior but I seem to be afraid for some reason. I seem to find excuses or just simply not take the appropriate actions. I am not sure what I am afraid of. He already knows my darkest secrets. I cannot fake emotions to God.
My prayer right now is that God completely transforms me. I don't want to live a life explained outside of God. Clarification, I don't want to want to live a life explained outside of God. I want my desires to align with God's. I'm sick of the selfish, predictable way I have been living my life. I have prayed in the past for God to use me in a big way, but how can he use me if I don't allow him? I pray one thing, but live another. Thus, I pray that God changes my heart radically, that he fills me so much with his love that my actions reflect him regardless of what those around me may think. I pray that I stop living a comfortable life in approval of this world and start taking bold steps to live for Christ.
In order for God to instill this change in me, however, I need to just surrender. I need to give up and let God take complete and utter control of my life. Every day, we must die to ourselves and surrender our lives to Christ. Only when we are completely empty of ourselves can God fill us with his grace.
This will not be an easy road. I will fail along the way. I have faith that God will continue to steer me back in the right direction every time though. 220!
